A Severe Withdrawal

When Nicolette woke up, she found only silence. A deep silence and the cold air of the morning, which challenged the warmth of her heart, greeted her good morning. She glanced at the clock beside her; it was 5 AM.

A chance to wake up that early was rare, indeed, and it gave her perfect time and atmosphere to think about the dream she had. It was surely a dream, though it felt so real, and that was the first time ever in her life she could remember every single detail of her dream when she woke up. The girl of her dreams, what had happened to her? Had she perished? The new day had come and the girl had been purged of her existence, and Nicolette was so sure about that. She did hope to see the girl again when she slept the following evening, yet she wasn’t sure she could. Whatever happened to the girl, the message she left was clear: she was given a great responsibility of something she had no idea about. Although it came from merely a dream, she always regarded this source as the most trusted.

“Nicolette? Have you awoken yet?”

A voice from the other side of her bedroom brought her back to reality. Her cousin Clara, which was at the same age as her, had sat on her bed, staring sleepily at her. She somehow realized her greatest fear: somebody but herself was aware of the girl’s existence in her dreams, and that she could possibly put the two of them in great danger. If someone’s to know about the dreams she had, it’s Clara.

She decided not to put Clara in further danger or involvement. Deep inside, Nicolette swore that she would never tell Clara about her last dream and whatever responsibility she was given.

The Very Beginning

It was a total darkness and everything was so confusing for Nicolette Wynter;  knowing that she was somehow trapped in her dream. She thought she’d seen things before this total darkness, but she couldn’t remember anything; only a strong feeling of unutterable fear which had caught her remained. It was strange: she always had dreams every time she slept, a dream about living as another girl which identity she did not know and she did not remember after she woke up; but this time it was different. She could not see anything, and could hardly hear a thing, yet she was able to remember every second of the state she’s in, which she was so sure it’s a dream. And the crippling fear which impaled her very heart, it was so gruesome, she felt like being in that state for ever and not able to escape.

“Can you hear me?”

Suddenly a very soft, almost whispering voice echoed in her mind. She could not tell where the source of the voice was, it’s like the voice was everywhere. It was a voice of a little girl; the girl she’s been living as for almost a lifetime as far as she remembered. Strange though, she did not remember hearing the girl’s voice in her dreams before, for she remembered very few, almost nothing; but once she heard it she recognized it at once. The voice, though very weak, represented the crippling fear she felt: she could tell that the little girl felt the same way as she did; it almost like they’re sharing their feelings.

Empathy was the first emotion to come upon her after the endless moment of fear, and Nicolette couldn’t help but answer.

“Yes, I can hear you,” she tried to speak, but what came out were whispers; as though the words bottlenecked in her throat.

“The girl in my dreams, if you were there please know, before all is lost.” 

Nicolette did not understand the meaning of the girl’s next words, it’s like she did not, definitely, hear her reply. Although so, the girl’s voice sounded so desperate she was possibly talking to nobody, assuming that someone’s listening.

“I know that you’re there, sharing my thoughts and my memory through my dreams. I know that you’re aware of my existence as well as I’m aware of yours. So please, know that my memory will be the most precious thing in the world, once the night is over.” 

This surprised Nicolette; the girl was aware of her existence and knew the extraordinary bond between the two of them! She couldn’t tell how many times, when she woke up from just another dream which she could never remember but was so sure that it was about that girl, she wondered if the girl was aware that they were sharing such bond through her dreams.

She knew, since the first time she could remember anything, that she had had dreams about living as another person every time she slept, no matter how short her sleep was, and completely lost trace of memories about the dream right after she woke up. She didn’t know how she found out, but she knew that someone she’s being was a girl like her; and that the girl lived, grew up, and developed like a living girl in her dreams. The only thing she could conclude from her dreams was that she could feel what the girl felt, and she could still feel it even long after she woke up; like an aftertaste of her every dream. Nobody knew about this however, no one but herself, the girl, and someone else.

And about the girl’s memories would be the most precious thing in the world once the night was over, she had no idea but she really wanted to know- she really loved living another life in her dreams, and remembering every memory of her life would be like being in another world, which she really loved.

“Everything about me has been- purged- of their existence, everything that has anything to do with me. I was left alone in this world, all because of my memories,  and it’s about time until I am purged of my existence just like the others who precedes me. Soon as the night is over, all is lost, and I’m like never existed. All because of my memories. It’s too late anyway, I’m lost to them. What’s left is you- nobody will find out that we shared such a strange bond, a bond which shared both of our memories. Please, by all means, do not lose it to them. I wasn’t given a chance, but you was, and you are. Live the following years and stay anonymous, until the memories’ worth is proved.”

The power of the words caught Nicolette in terror, as she felt the fear intensified. The girl was facing something she could never overcome, whatever it was- to purge someone of their existence? Did those words mean something worse than to kill? What was her memories worth, an annihilation of one’s identity?

This made no sense. She had no idea of how bad the situation would be, but she knew that she had been given a vital task; a task she didn’t know if she could bear with it. She always kept her dreams secret, and nobody, not even her family knew about this peculiar bond; she had a feeling of something bad coming up if she let anyone know. Seemed like her feeling was true- though she never imagined that the consequences would be that terrible. Only one other person knew about this but herself and the girl, and she was worried of her safety.

“But-” Nicolette couldn’t help but ask- “who did this to you? What do your memories worth to them?”

Again, the girl didn’t sound to listen, but what she was talking next was like the answers of Nicolette’s questions.

 ”There’s a Conspiracy- a big Conspiracy- beneath all of this…” the girl’s voice was fading out, though Nicolette tried very hard to listen, as the fear that caught her intensified even more. “…the Fraternity, their intrigues… the year 2050 would be a very different year. You has been given the key- the fate of the world’s future is at your hands.”

Conspiracy? Nicolette had heard lots of conspiracy theories, and she did not believe that any of them were true. A conspiracy which was so great to do such things, changing the world’s future, as she concluded from the girl’s words… and that the year 2050 would be a very different year. From what she heard, the memories of the girl was like a key to solve all of this, if only she remembered…

“But I didn’t remember anything-”

“Do not lose it to them. The bond we shared must be a fate- He who gave it to us must know that you are capable in doing this mission. This is a mission, and you’ve been given that mission.” The girl’s voice became even less clear, but somehow Nicolette could feel peace in her voice as the fear which caught her subsided. She knew that this would be over, but that’s a moment too soon. She still had lots of things which she wanted to know, but the girl seemed to let go that quickly.

“The year 2050 will be… very different. He has been so kind to give you a chance. Do not let them take His place. Do not sleep when the year changed, unless it already dawns… if you don’t want the memory to be lost to the Causa Prima.” 

Nicolette could not think about the meaning of her words, nor did she care about what the Causa Prima was. The peace within her has now completely overcome her fear; it’s like being in a state of complete submission, and she knew that it’s exactly what the girl felt. Like all worries in the world had gone, and that she could embrace an eternal peace. For a moment, she felt such feeling she’d never felt before, a feeling she knew she’d die for, a feeling she knew she would never forget.

“I wish I could know you,” the girl whispered from what Nickie felt like a very great distance. The voice emerged within her heart, however, so she could understood the meaning very clearly.

“Me too,” Nicolette replied, though she knew the girl would never know.

And not a moment too soon, everything became clear again as Nicolette Wynter woke up and sat, fully refreshed, as she greeted the dawn of a new day on December 12, 2049.

The Lighthouse of Mankind

I can’t help, after two days vacuum, to write something fictional. Yeah, the current post is not quite about me, but about my thoughts and my aspirations.

This story took place in the 2050s, where mankind had developed such advanced civilization based on such technologies that they were no longer dependent to the nature. Genetic engineering were developed, causing mankind to slowly ascend to near immortality. A supreme masterplan had been created to establish balance on every man’s ego and the impacts of their existence, and a Lighthouse which light illuminated the entire universe was erected to house the Causa Prima, a man beyond all of these, with the capacity of a God.

No one lived in 2049 realized that they were subject of such an immaculate plan, nor did they understood that the technologies which would bring them to such state had been supernaturally provided, except perhaps the Causa Prima himself and the Brothers of the Global Fraternity, a great conspiracy beyond all of this. Those who lived the 2049 did not realize that 2050 would be very different.

Except, perhaps, a girl out there in the world, and Nicolette Wynter, who shared her thoughts and her life with the girl through inexplainable dreams.

And so the story began.

A Flaw in My Medical Record

Hahaha, the title’s funny. Funny how it truly means, it is.  Okay,  this is again about Mrs. C and her strict demeanor.

Last Tuesday, I was knocked out by a series of MAJOR assignments. Even better, my mom came to visit me on those days. She did support me and provide me with some logistics, but her presence meant that I couldn’t spend too much time around; in order to ensure her convenience.  It really drove me insane, and it climaxed on last Tuesday, one week ago, when I pretended to go to the class while instead I continued sleeping at home, without my mom and my brother noticing.

I asked A to fill the presence list, but A refused to do so due to the scarcity of attendants in that Tuesday morning’s S class.  C, as the lecturer, considered this fact offensive and furiously nullified the presence mark of those who didn’t attend that class, unless THEY PROVIDE ACCEPTABLE REASONS.

Just today, I remembered that I have to take actions to save my presence mark and my good name I’ve earned so far. I decided to report as sick, through my friend DS told me that the BMG, an instance which provides medical support for the campus students would be likely to refuse my request due to the time elapsed after the date of the event. I somehow remembered that my friend LA, whose motto is lying is better than being lied to, made her own stamp and her own report to simplify things whenever she had to call in sick. I asked her to make me one, and she agreed. I just hoped that would work, DS reassured me by mentioning that I was Mrs. C’s favorite student and that everything would be okay. By tomorrow everything would be clear, and I hope I could save my face in front of her.

Yeah, I’ve made a flaw in my medical record, but in such cases, like bootlicking- if I HAVE TO do it to earn extra marks, then I’ll do it.

No regrets. Guaranteed.

Intriguing

I am a man of intrigues. My subtleties can help me through most situations, even the most complicated ones. Like what happened a few weeks before. It had been a week or two after the new semester started and I was trying to adjust with the new subjects and the lecturers. Just put this in mind as the S subject, and C as the lecturer. She was a strict type, and from the start I knew that the easiest way to earn her attention (and some extra marks, of course) was to bootlick her. Okay, it’s not that I love to kiss someone’s ass, but that’s how it works to get additional marks IF I HAVE TO.

At the first day of the class, she greeted us ‘good morning’ when she entered the room. The earlier weeks of the semester were the times of which I sat at the front row, paid full attention to the lecturers, and wrote every single word from them down on my notebooks. That time I sat RIGHT in front of her. I returned hers, ‘good morning, ma’am’, while the rest of the class thought that a mere ‘good morning’ was enough.

That’s just my habit of returning one’s greeting with ‘miss’, ‘ma’am’, or’ sir’, but it turned out that she really appreciated it. She continued watching the class, waiting for everyone to notice that she’s waiting for them to stop talking to each other and pay attention to her, then asked:

‘Are you ready, class?’

The rest of the class replied, ‘Yes we are, ma’am’. But she wasn’t satisfied with the answer. She replied ‘What do you call ready, anyway?’

I, who sat RIGHT in front of her, had finished writing identity on my book, and thus I left it open to ease me to write down every word which came next. With an assuring gesture, I showed my opened notebook, until she looked at it and smiled.

‘Yes, an opened notebook, a readied pen, and an open-to-study face is what you call ready,’ she said, nodded at me and gazed on the entire class. That’s before she started to babble about manner, behavior, demeanor, and whatever bullshit came next.

I didn’t mean to bootlick her, but I discovered a way to make a good grade in this subject.

On the following weeks she ordered the class to form groups of five and gave assignments based on the groups. There’s a total of eleven groups formed in my class, each with various specifications of assignments.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t in when the class started to form groups. There were two scheduled interfaces for the subject in a week, one on Tuesday and another on Thursday. Mrs. C ordered us to form groups on Tuesday, when I was ill due to over-exhaustion and lack of sleep. I came to class on Thursday, but she didn’t mention anything about the forming of the groups and the assignment itself. I missed another class on the following Tuesday, this time I skipped it, and most unfortunate, she gave the last chance to form a group on that day. My friend A told her that ‘a friend of his wasn’t in today’s class’, but fortunately he didn’t tell her who.

Goodness, what time is it. I have an exam tomorrow, so let’s just leave it to this now. I’ll continue it tomorrow, of course if I remember the details.

Campus Expo 2008, continued

I finally went to the Expo. Turned out that I didn’t miss anything special the day before. I’ve been to my faculty’s stand; nothing’s special there but my friend T told me that there’s an unsent comlink (JARKOM) from the new president of the Frat, telling us heads of divisions to gather at the campus at 4 PM. Seemed like I had to go. I was also reminded that the following day would be my first exam, the Automata Theory and Formal Language subject. Fuck it, the exam could wait. I wanted to enjoy the Expo first.

My friend A told me that we’re gonna study at B’s, but B insisted that we all went to C’s penthouse at 1 PM. I could borrow more time seeing the Expo, I thought. There, I viewed some non-campus related stands, especially English First. I took some pamphlets and brochures there, a topic about spending two or three grands to study abroad interested me.

Here I met ARN.  ARN and I bought some food, mostly kebabs, viewed the art form and design stands, and got a jolt in electrical engineering stands. The voltage of the device which they- my friend J and D from EE frat- used to electrocute me and ARN was set to 19, but J intentionally raised it to 22 to see my reaction. I asked him to raise it even higher- J told me that EE frat boy graduates were electrocuted 40 V and I dared to challenge him to raise it to 40. That quite hurt, but also gave me the vibe. I even started to feel like enjoying the electrocution.

I spent several following hours studying in C’s crib. Time crawled very slowly at those moments, and I almost lose my sanity. I didn’t even expect much for tomorrow’s exam. I could only pray… and took a chance.

And here I am, tired and sick and almost knocked out of my conscience- the conscience which told me to keep on studying. I just hope something good will happen tomorrow. After this, I’ll certainly rush at my bedroom at once, changing clothes, wash my hands and feet, and hit the bed and never wake up until it dawns.

Godspeed.

What Lies Ahead

It’s important knowing what we’ve got, or what we have. But, the most important is knowing what lies ahead.

For an entire week, except on weekends, I will have to face a series of exams- most of which I haven’t fully understood, and some I haven’t understood at all.

What I’ve got? I’ve got nothing but a few notes and some unread slides. What I have? I have a lot of friends who are willing to support me. Thanks to them.

What lies ahead? The test of my viability of being  my civitas academica’s scholar lies ahead. I already failed it twice. If I fail this time, I will be expelled.

I haven’t seen the campus expo, perhaps I’ll go seeing for half an hour or one, and I’ll go straight to my friends’ and study together.

What we’ve got, what we have, and what lies ahead. That makes the logic.

Campus Expo 2008

The campus held an annual lavish event displaying the uniqueness and products (?) of each faculty, called the ITB Expo. The ITB Expo was held in the campus, outdoors, with lots of fancy stuff- shame I didn’t come at the opening. It was 10:00 AM when I finished posting my second blog for today, and one of my friend, Mr. Initial P, was going to go there preparing for the opening ceremony (he did participate). I asked him to wait for me, I  wanted to go there as well after a quarter hour taking a bath, but he just wouldn’t wait. He said that he’s already late for the gathering, and so, he went without me.

I then asked my other friend who seemed to have an intention to go, Mr. Initial A a.k.a. Initial O, and he asked me to go together with my brother R and one of my friend, O, who was still sleeping.

O was one of my friends who told me about the halo earlier, and it seemed like he had spent the entire night watching halo and being moonstruck. If my guess was true, then it’d be quite long before he wake up.

Finally, A left me and my brother to his girlfriend’s, after borrowing a sum of money from my brother. O was still sleeping peacefully, no matter how hard I knocked his door.

It was 12:45 PM when A woke up. I didn’t ask him to go to the expo, instead, I showed him how Mortred (if you have no interest in DotA just skip the whole sentence) neutral creep peacefully in the forest without having to return to the fountain. It took me half an hour to complete the DotA session, and even after, I read some adult magazines before O and R ask me to go to eat.

And I started writing this post right after I finished eating. I had an appointment at 3:00 PM to study with my friends (I hope this will work this time), and the clock right now showed 2:24, when would I have time to go to the expo?

Perhaps tomorrow, perhaps, and for not too long. I also very sleepy right now, how could I waste my time doing unproductive things?

Perhaps, I have to learn how to make myself doing something.

Halo: A Premonition (Superstition)

This morning, just right after the day changes, some of my friends who managed to stay up all night gathered at the balcony looking at the moon. I, who didn’t give a damn at first, thought that perhaps the word ‘moonstruck’ or ‘lunatic’ had finally taken effects on those guys. But they called me to look at it as well, though at first I thought that was just somewhat ridiculous, I went to look at it anyway. And that amazed me: the moon, very bright and beautiful in its almost full cycle, was surrounded by a huge, celestial, crystal-like halo.

What amazed me was the size of the halo encircling the moon: It was the largest halo I’ve ever seen. Through some analysis I concluded that the halo was formed due to the thin layers of cirrus cloud which overcast the sky, yet I didn’t know how the halo could be that big. Superstitions took on- I made my last post right at the time the phenomenon occurred and I somehow thought that I finally found the girl of my dreams. This halo had wish-granting properties, I thought. What a dumb thought, but it’s quite fun to think of.

My brother woke up several times last night but he didn’t see the halo. Most unlucky, I thought, for the halo’s charm was something no one would be likely to miss.

If Only I Could Find Her

It started a couple of months ago, when I was walking past the PAU building of my proud civitas academica. That’s the first time I saw her. She’s pretty tall, with auburn hair, almost brown; beautiful hazel eyes that seemed dreamy yet full of hope, flawless, radiant skin; pink glossy lips which gleamed under the sunlight; flushed cheeks, and was-is,I hope-so very beautiful. Simply the most beautiful girl I ever seen. Yet I always thought of her, I never dreamed that she’s gonna be the love of my life.

Men do have brains anyway, and mine works. Judging from her look I could conclude that she’s a 2007 student, perhaps from those girl-rich faculties like farmacy or planology. And, she walked around with her girl (read: platonic) friends, so that I came into conclusion that SHE’S SINGLE.

I thought of her, though I never thought of pursuing her. Yeah, before the following day, when I met her again-and now I had time to frame her face in my mind for recognition-in the lower level of our beloved campus center. I saw her twice, I thought. And I saw her long enough to put her face in my mind. That’s enough for me to look for her, to seek her approval. Lest to make an acquaintance of her. From that time on, I did all I could to look for her-the girl of my dreams.

And then things became so obscure. I had lots of informers yet none were able to provide satisfactory informations. Some suggested that the girl I saw was the initial K, a taken girl with a uniquely-styled boyfriend. Others suggested that she was initial B, a single girl which later I found out that was not the girl I’m looking for. Neither was the initial K, though she had kept me thinking that she’s the one for quite a while. I thought that my campus is small enough that none can escapemy informers’ attention, but my thougt has been proven wrong. I’ve never seen her in campus ever since.

Now, if YOU are the girl I’m looking for, please contact me +6285624314067 or YM me foxthecreator@yahoo.com. Not that I want to sound so desperate, nor I really wished you would notice, but it is worth a try.