Perceiving the World and Yourself

Take a sheet of blank paper.

Draw a big circle in it. Try drawing as big a circle as you can in one quick scratch.

Draw another circle in the big circle, not crossing with the outer circle. It could be big or small, as you like.

Draw a small circle within the latter circle, as small as you feel comfortable. If it’s rather big, then so be it, as long as you’re comfortable with it.

Alright, that’s it. Now take a look at the paper.

Think of the sheet of paper as REALITY. That’s it, whatever realm of existence you’re in, both tangible and intangible.

The big circle is humanity’s LIMIT OF TOLERANCE. The bigger you drew it, the more optimistic you are and the more open you are with any kind of people.

The medium circle is YOUR LoT. If it’s big, then you have a pretty good knack in toughing up unpleasant things, or doing things that you don’t like. Also, you’ll be able to do a wide variety of activities, though not as well as the experts. If it’s small, then you tend to be less adjustable–but you also have a good though hidden potential. Who knows what you can be?

The small circle is your comfort zone. The bigger it is, the more things you feel comfortable with, and vice versa.

The results will require some contemplation to conclude.

Revenge of the Young

We’re young,

we’re free,

we’re hopeful!

We see the world as an opportunity instead of threat!

We find challenges fun, and idleness frustrating!

We tend to have fun in being responsible!

We’re optimistic boundless by reality, and we often alter reality itself!

It’s our explosion of expression that keeps humanity moving!

Energy of the young, wisdom of the old, is civilization! But it’s not the time to talk about the old… it’s US, the YOUNG, that we’re talking about!

We do everything to express what we think is right! The dumb old system can’t confine us, if it fails to contain us!

Dedicated to every young people out there: we’re something, we’re significant, we can make things happen!

Ka-Ching?

It’s summer, there are lots of work to do, and shit has already followed. I’ve got a personal financial crisis lately, and since then, I had to borrow money here and there to patch things up. That’s when I realized that it’s time to plan my budget, and I found something that I wish I realized earlier: my monthly funding can’t afford my lifestyle. I’m pretty happy with this lifestyle, so I try to look for another option: earning some extra money!

I’ve got plans. I know that I’m pretty good doing some particular things, and I have a slight idea of how I’m gonna make money out of them (business peers and relations, market targets, and stuff). Now I’m learning to make business proposals, while looking for some producers and distributors to make this happen. That’s it, buddies, Elmo Lawrence means business.

Who’s interested? Just drop by and have a chat, let’s see how much we can make out of it.

Micromanager

A swarm of assignments and exams had passed by, and now it’s calm again. To keep myself from getting really bored (and doing inappropriate things as a part of relieving process), I tried to list things I’m supposed to do and their due dates. To my surprise, I have to prepare for another swarm.

At first, I merely reviewed my targets and goals, trying to find things I should have done but haven’t, and it seemed like there were quite a lot of them. Those targets and goals couldn’t happen overnight, they need preparations, and preparations for one is already another thing. I tried to calculate my available time during the summer holiday and allocate my planned activities on them and ended up having so little time to spare.

Well, to relieve the pressure is by simply taking each activity as sort of recreational, so that I can rejoice every time I switch activity. And it requires an extremely good planning to happen, which makes me a micromanager of my own activities.

Time to get busy–only by getting busy one knows that he’s alive and living.

Two Hundred Thousand People

Finally another pot after a long, long while. No, not again, it’s another Goddamn Uncategorized post. It’s supposed to be a Life category post–I know that some of the very few who read my blog are looking for some Lighthouse posts, yeah I’m working on it, but alas, not today.

Let’s get to the point.

It was raining cats and dogs, but everyone didn’t care. The two hundred thousand people at my feet didn’t, they kept screaming, roaring, calling out; their voices challenged the might of the pouring rain. Some of them even threw their Ts aside, and continued jamming and moshing under the rain with naked upper body. There was certainly rush of adrenaline in everyone’s veins–no, it’s like the adrenaline was in the air. The soul of everyone fused together in such a hella-rocking festival.

The song ended but everyone didn’t even noticed. The threads of my soul I’d woven to everyone’s mind had knotted together with their own threads of soul, creating a masterpiece of mankind’s civilization, a union of feeling and expression forged by everyone’s common interest of music. Music is the language of mankind, I know. And that’s what drove everyone to subconsciously demanded an encore, which I gladly gave–the show would go on until the threads of soul loomed together into a solid feeling of equality, or I died trying to loom them together with the six strings of my medium.

I yelled. Everyone shrieked in hysteria–a self-conscious hysteria. A part of breaking the broken system and established a new one. A process of maturity in the history of a civilization, the shaping and forging of an era. Where majority was no longer the truth, but the truth was majority. When everyone finally overcome their selfish concepts of diversity and self-superiority, and realized that we all have something in common. When music finally unveiled the stink of the misused concept of globalism, and unite everyone under common need and interest–the need and interest of knowing each other and unite. When the fights carried out by every young soul living in the world with broken system finally broke through. When everyone is living a young soul.

That’s when I snapped one string. But I didn’t care and kept on playing. The crowd didn’t care as well. We were one already, a solid loom of souls knotted together under common need and interest. It didn’t make any difference, with or without that one string. I played even wilder and wilder, and I snapped another string. And another. And as the night went on, I played the guitar with all six strings snapped.

What the hell, I thought. The guitar was just a medium–a vital component of the life of the show, of course, but now the medium had changed. The air, the atmosphere, the zest and enthusiasm and adrenaline in the air–they’re all the media. The mind of every people had become the medium itself. So I threw the guitar away, and it didn’t make any difference. The language I tried to spoke had been understood without even speaking.

And the rain stopped. Then, slowly, it dawned. The show was over as well. But it’d still go on, in the heart of everyone. Dawn of the new day did not erase their enthusiasm–instead, I could see the dawn of a new era in everyone’s mind. A new era had come. An era of openness. An era of transparency. An era of unity. An era of glory.

I looked at my guitar. All of the strings were broken. It wouldn’t be able to produce a sound, until I repaired it properly. Perhaps it’d take a long time until it is fixed. And the sound it produced would never be the same.

But all it had to deliver had been delivered.

Untitled Ravings of Elmo Lawrence

I wrote this coz I knew that I’ve gotta say something rather than keep it buried in my heart, sickening me and consuming me from the inside. I wrote this coz I hella wanna say this out loud: THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE SYSTEM. NO, THIS WON’T WORK, AND IN THE END EVERYTHING WILL FALL APART AS EXPECTED, BUT STILL THEY DIDN’T REALIZE IT AND KEPT RUNNING IT.

There’s something wrong with the system, I just knew it. I knew that it ain’t gonna work, that it’s just a blow of the air in the mind of some to say that this would even work. No, and with such high expectations, it wouldn’t and it’d turn you down and leave you broken.

But, you know what? I’ve been dragged into a point that I really don’t care. Even though I’m a part of the system, I don’t feel like one being affected if the system fail. To show everyone my point, I’ll be doing my best to support the system, even if I know that supporting the broken system will just accelerate its failure.

The faster it is to come, the faster it is for them to realize that the system is broken, and that they’re completely wrong. That’s my way to make them understand–sometimes some people deserve some punishment.

But if they’re right and my belief that the system is broken proved to be wrong, then there’s nothing to lose. The system works after all, and I’m among those who make the system work. I can still take credits from it.

I can be a very bad person–the fact of it scares even me.

Politics

If we seek the truth out there in the world, we won’t find it. The truth might be hidden somewhere, but not in the hands of those we believed to have, not at all. Talk about hypocrisy and charlatanry. Seeking the truth is necessary, of course, but we don’t really have the time right now. What the world need is a huge momentary movement that’ll change the system once and for good, here means the system that puts the hypocrites and charlatans on pedestal while burying the truth six feet under in mud. Once it’s done, then we together can find our own truth. And if it’s me who started the movement, then I’ll be giving time and opportunity to everyone to seek the common truth and share among themselves. So that’s not so wrong after all.

What I’m trying to say is, if we seek truth in the world, we won’t find it. To deal with it now, we have to make the truth on our own. Just make it so, and make it happen. The effects then will come in a chain reaction, into that huge momentary movement I’ve told previously. But what kind of movement?

I’m about to say “uniting everyone’s perception”, and by saying this, I mean “the formation of One World Government”.

Hell, what I’m talking about? This is really not my cup of tea. Since the concept of ’sheer chaos’ could not yet be employed, then any system is acceptable. Yeah, like I said before, just make it so.

I really have to consider my moves before I continue writing things like this. Perhaps another session in the bathroom. Now that I’m talking about it, I realized I haven’t taken a bath this morning. Gotta go, I have to do anything I can to prepare for the hell of tomorrow. See ya anytime in the future.

Godspeed.

Is It So Wrong To Be Defensive?

I don’t usually take offenses, and if I do, I’d rather stomach it and hide my true feeling about it. But every person has his threshold, and if the threshold is passed, he’ll freak out like none have ever expected before. It’s so unhealthy for a person to let his temper pass his bottom threshold, both physically and mentally, and to dump his feeling while being offended marks the person as being ‘harassable’; that’s it, someone who is okay for everyone to harass.

One day they’ll cross his bottom threshold and he’ll freak out, damaging the relationship between him and the harassers so badly it might come to a point beyond repair.

That ain’t good.

The best way to keep good relationship with everyone without exposing you to things tempting your temper is being defensive when necessary. There’s a dilemma about this too: being defensive makes people judge you as paranoid, while being peaceful makes you vulnerable to harassment. But people may judge what they like, coz I live in a rule of ‘if they’re free to judge me as they wish, then I’m free to judge them as I wish, otherwise let the world free from false prejudices and pretenses’.

Yeah, people keep mumbling about my defensive stance, how it makes me the public enemy out of many. Perhaps that’s my ideology of ‘to unite, some must share a common enemy’; ‘to be better, one must have something to fight against’; ‘to be recognized, one must fight against the majority’; and ‘every young soul is a rebel, and there’s a young soul in everyone’. But I don’t give a fuck, coz if I had, I would’ve been at my wit’s end a thousand times before I committed suicide. I’ve fought my way to my current position by being defensive, and I’ve made my points to those who tried to cross me.

Being defensive is a basic human instinct, and I believe that what’s given to us is something that makes us meant to be. I am born to be defensive, coz I believe that, in the future, there’s plenty enough in me worthy to defend.

So here I am, Elmo Lawrence, the Defensive Public Enemy fighting against the mainstream of majority to express his burning young soul along his way to the top of everything. Yes, I’m on my way now, so see you later soon before too long.

Gotta go. I missed a class while writing this.

Godspeed.

What Could Possibly Inspire Elmo Lawrence?

A midnight bath with music screaming loud and some jive under the shower while singing along. That had inspired me.

Perhaps you knew Elmo Lawrence as a man of melancholy. Perhaps you knew me from my gloomy Facebook statuses and previous posts. Well, I’ve got to tell you that it’s over now, because some midnight bath session with music screaming loud and some jive under the shower while singing along had inspired and changed me.

I used to say, in my previous posts, that the test of a man’s true character is what he does when no one’s watching. I also used to say that my day starts when I take a bath. Well, both of them are things that can help me make myself. But there were tons of posts telling about shit like a girl I wished I could see again or me being an elusive procrastinator–a very lately post even telling how I, as a public enemy of everyone, trying to stand up against the current and fight my way through conspiracies and sly subtleties. I could explain that as how easily I changed, and how I had to have something to fight against just to find myself.

There were times where I believed that the world’s playing rough on me, that I am the most miserable person in the world, and that my role in life is just to suffer and suffer and suffer. But the midnight bath session saved me from that. Life’s beautiful, and there are a lot of people out there who suffer much, much more than me–why so much misery? That session, perhaps a divine intervention of some sort, had changed my point of view and attitude toward life. There’s nothing to be worried about–as I dropped the worry, I could use the space in my mind to think about other things, those that would improve me like how to decorate my room to give it a mind-clearing environment, or how hard I have to work out to keep my body fit while not exhausting my energy so much that I had to sleep in classes.

I see the world differently now–such a huge point of view. Gee, if taking baths at midnight is always a divine intervention of some sort, I think I’ll take a bath again tonight. With the music screaming loud, of course, I don’t care whether it would disturb the roommates or not. There were few moments in my life where I felt my soul calling out to be expressed. Yes, this post contains threads of my soul, and this is how I express myself. Oh, look at the time–gotta take a bath now or today’s session will be missed.

You may laugh. Loudly, if you please. Laughing makes the sense in a man. Laugh regularly and be hearty and hale for the rest of your life. Enjoy every second of your life, coz it won’t come twice.

And me, I’ve gotta take a bath. Now. See ya later.

Godspeed.

Public Enemy

This is as political as it can be–I can’t help it.

I, Elmo Lawrence, am a blade in the crowd. I work in secret to rally the people into doing my bidding with or without them noticing. I aspire people to conspire against public hegemony, which in my case, is something I believe to be wrong (assuming my opinion is right).

My intentions are for the sake of everyone in the end. I can foresee things better than some of us which visions have been dampened by their position–and is working underway to keep the system from falling apart by the majority’s shallow thoughts. We are a system controlled by the majority, living in the world where majority is the truth. When our so-called ‘truth’ is a screw-up, then does it wrong if some of us work underway to keep the system from falling apart? That’s what I do.

But, even the idea of me going against the majority makes me a public enemy. I can feel it. Even though they seemed to hide the fact that they don’t like me and pretend to make me think that everything’s okay, I can see it. Some of them are even proud enough to frankly show their hate to me. But you know what? I don’t care. I love being the public enemy. It means that I have my own principles that cannot be consumed by the majority.

People said that I’m weird. You know what? I think, for them being weird is being something different that goes against majority. I love being different, it shows the world that I am someone with a solid character.

I’m not weird, I’m just being rebellious. There’s a rebel in every young soul–and there’s a young soul in everyone.

That’s just them–the so-called ’superiors’–who are weird, by not having something found in everyone else in the world.

This is my confession, the confession of an infamous public enemy so stubborn that he had to conspire against anything. But I’m not being redneck–they are the ones being redneck. I’m talking about them majorities.

We live in a world of ‘us’ and ‘them’. So, which side are you with? Are you with us, or are you with them?