Elmo Lawrence’s Self-Exclaimed Whereabout

It was half past three in the morning but still I wrote this post. Can’t help it, the urge to write is greater than it is to sleep.

I was working on my next Lighthouse post the Halifax Bloody Snow Catastrophe III and everything was okay until I realized that the story’s going to be very complicated. Crap, I couldn’t just continue working on it, there’s a lot of research that I have to undergo in order to cover the highly complicated storyline. You know what I’m talking about–without impression, it is unlikely to put the soul in story–and that’s why I wrote things, to let everyone see the part of my soul in the world’s query of existence.

I felt quite unwell while writing this–perhaps I could fell ill. If anyone’s trying to find out my whereabouts between October 11 and 12, perhaps I’m laying helpless on my bed, too sick even to find something to eat, so my condition is severely worsened as the time passed by, despite the recovery. If this happens, it’ll take 3 or 4 days for me to completely recover.

Well, I hope I won’t get ill. Gotta sleep now–gee, it feels so good to finally write another post.

After A While

Whew, it’s been almost a month since the last time I posted something. Things happened while I was away–I mean, things which happened to me during my long absence and I’d got no chance to tell them because I was away. As it was, some were good, some were bad. But whatever they were, they changed me.

I know that I’m a person of uncertainty, and that I’m easily changed by the situation. During my period of absence, the situation required me to change into a flexible but demanding person, which I am now. The fact that my upcoming birthday will be my twentieth and that I’m gonna be twenty unnerved me, that my teenage will be over somehow, and that I’m about to be a full-grown person. And here comes maturity–I know that maturity is a choice, but at the age of twenty maturity is common and I’ve got no plan to keep being immature when I turn twenty, so I started fixing my behavior and rebuilding my perception in order to be mature in time. So here I am now, a flexible, demanding, and (quite) responsible person that is powered by zeal and excitement.

I also started working out intensively again, after a long while–my upcoming birthday requires me to have the body and the strength of someone of his twenties. Besides, I don’t want to take risks–some of my friends may have a plan of turning my birthday into a day (or more possibly night) to be one I cannot forget.

So little time, so many things to say–let them be the topics of my upcoming posts.

Until next time.

The Loser’s Guide of Procrastinating

1. Before you can postpone things out of your own desire (NOT out of necessity), you’ll have to fully understand the goal of doing this. Procrastinating for a whole day leads to a total misuse of the day, which; for those who feel like they’re born to do their works, is proved to be the most effective way to keep their sanity (though most of them won’t fancy doing it and the rest won’t openly admit it). The goal is to create a heaven out of one’s imagination by means of complete isolation from the society, or to create an alibi when you’re supposed to be somewhere else. To begin, you must ensure that the Loser spot of your right brain is turned on. To do so, you can do one of these things: jack off as soon as you’re awake, deny your stomach’s plea of eating for a whole day, or play a computer game which you find most addictive.

2. Stock up these things to help you survive while slacking off: snacks, food, drink, and tissue. Why tissue? You’ll find out on your own if you got bored during the process.

3. Don’t forget to completely isolate yourself from society: turn off your cell phone, lock the door, turn off the lamp, close shut the windows and curtains, and don’t forget to tell your neighbors that you’ll be out the day you’re about to slack off, so that nobody will bother you or be bothered to. This way, you can also using the help of the unwilling neighbors to strengthen your alibi, if that’s your intention.

4. Before you start wasting your day, pray for the worst: everything has its risk, and in this case something could happen to you while being isolated out of society and weeks later your curious neighbors will discover your bloated body in your bedroom. Don’t pray too long: this might save you from further wasting the day.

5. Enjoy the heaven of your imagination. If you don’t like it, you can laugh off it.

I should’ve created a new category for this sort of stuff: the shit category, where all posts of shit talks are stored.

Oh, gotta take a bath. Don’t ever think that I’ll be doing any of the shit written above: I’m too busy to do it. I just wrote it because I knew that I’ll be needing a laugh sometimes.

PS: I’m not responsible for anything happened out of this fictitious crap. If you fall to it, refer to the first paragraph: you’re a complete loser. You have been warned.

1.71

I like the number. 1.71, it’s quite intriguing as a title–but not as impressive, for GPA index. It is truly my GPA index, and I’m not proud of it.

Got thirsty, and my leg hurts. Damn it.

I just try to keep writing, even if there’s nothing in my head.

Newborn Me

Okay, I had had a bad hair day. Unlike my previous speculation, it was A bad hair DAY which lasted only a day, even less; and on the following day I decided not to give a damn about my hard-earned long hair by trimming it very short; like M. Shadow of A7x.

Since then, I decided to trash my old clothes and buy new ones–those that suits my new appearance. (Dang, I have problems typing “A” and “E”. Something’s wrong with my keyboard, or is it just my fingers that ain’t as agile as they used to?) Also, during my long, dull vacation (which you can notice from the lack of posts during June 20 to August 3) I’ve gained 10 pounds of weight. Goddamn my excess belly fat! This kinda hair and fashion style requires a big change in lifestyle, as well. I have to lose weight. Good thing is, my new appearance requires me to be physically and socially active.

Time to live my new lifestyle. Remember: there’s no such thing as a bad hair day.

Bad Hair Day

I had a bad hair day, so bad that it’ll come in a sense of bad hair days, or weeks, or months. Dang! But should one worry of having a bad hair day? No, of course not. If you’re a man, you can fix problems by trimming your hair clean–and if you’re a woman, you can clear the significant cuts and conceal it with a wig until it have grown long enough to be fixed.

Okay. Now about the chronology. It started with me walking coolly into a Johnny Andrean wanting a haircut and a quick wash. Couldn’t be any simpler. But when I saw the barber–a woman in her twenties with some indescribably asymmetric face and long hair dyed blond–I knew at once that something would go wrong. And it did.

The woman–with clearly poor response to any modern, open-minded yuppie society and any talk about hairfall–did my hair, but it was like my hair ain’t being done at all. It was like even I could do my own hair like tht. And about the next half hour, I could talk for hours about unprofessionals and how they do their job, getting paid and shit. But clearly I paid the bill after that quick, disappointing cut–$3.00, no less. Daaaaang.

And I’m going to return home on Sunday, facing my friends, exposing myself back to society (wait, it doesn’t mean that I spent my vacation in solitude), and doing my daily routines again. I clearly can’t do it with THIS kinda haircut!

A Tribute to Some Other Ego

A tribute to my friend, I’ll record her aspirations as well:

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foxthecreator: gue lagi nyeritain novel gue secara online
foxthecreator: bab demi bab
dzenee03: wah… elmo juga suka bikin novel? mita juga lho, tp ga berkembang
foxthecreator: hahaha
foxthecreator: tentang apa sis?
dzenee03: gw kan demen bgt ma agatha christie… jd y seputar itu… he3x…
dzenee03: gw ada ide yg cukup oke elmo, tp buntu
foxthecreator: oh gitu
foxthecreator: idenya tentang apa?
foxthecreator: klo cerita misteri ato detektif gue juga punya ide koq
foxthecreator: hahaha
dzenee03: aduh, gw pake hape, ntar klo ktemu lg gw critain, he3x…
foxthecreator: sip2 tnang aja sis
foxthecreator: til next time
dzenee03: tentang pembunuhan gt…
foxthecreator: ohhhh
dzenee03: berencana
foxthecreator: oke, klo mo cerita skg, cerita aja
foxthecreator: klo ga karena masalah hape, ntar aja
foxthecreator: I’m all ears
dzenee03: jd ada seorg kolektor foto diri
dzenee03: dy selalu ngoleksi fotony, dr lahir smp umurny yg skrg
foxthecreator: hmm
foxthecreator: trus? orang2 di sekitar dy?
foxthecreator: lingkungannya?
dzenee03: Di tiap hr ultahny dy mengabadikan foto diriny
dzenee03: truz foto2 itu dikasih di suatu album
dzenee03: 3 bln lg dy mw ultah yg k-50
foxthecreator: hmm
foxthecreator: i’m lissening
dzenee03: isenk2 dy buka album fotony
foxthecreator: and?
foxthecreator: oh, tua juga, 50
dzenee03: ternyata di bagian 50th udah ada foto pemakaman diriny gt mo…
foxthecreator: OHH
dzenee03: otomatis dy kaget
foxthecreator: okay, gue tau ini cerita misteri, bukan cerita mistis
foxthecreator: so go on
dzenee03: dy lapor polisi bla bla bla bla
dzenee03: trnyt bnr dy dibunuh di hari ultahny yg k-50
foxthecreator: hmm
foxthecreator: meskipun polisi udah ngejaga di di hari ultahnya?
dzenee03: dc
dzenee03: td smp mana ya?
foxthecreator: dy lapor polisi tapi dibunih di hari ultahnya yg ke 50
foxthecreator: nah di sini gw mo nanya, dy tetep dibunuh meskipun polisi udah ngejaga di hari ultahnya?
dzenee03: nah iya, tp gw blm nyiapin motif pembunuhan dll
dzenee03: Iya, jadi si pembunuh ini bnr2 pembunuh yg hebat
foxthecreator: hmm hmm hmm
foxthecreator: bagus2
foxthecreator: coba dipikirin lebih dalem, belajar ilmu kepolisian, ilmu forensik, dan sejenisnya
foxthecreator: dan bikin novel misteri yang menggemparkan!
dzenee03: nah itu elmo, gw pengen jadi ‘berilmu’ dulu bwt nglanjutin novel ini
foxthecreator: okay, in fact, gue bisa ngelanjutin ceritanya
foxthecreator: and write them in English, so that your novel could be published abroad
foxthecreator: tapi gue megang undang2 hak cipta laaaah, lagian kan pembuat originalnya lo
foxthecreator: klo udh gini gw cuma bisa nyemangatin aja. semangat ya!
dzenee03: klo mw lanjutin mah sok2 aja, ha3x…

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dzenee03: bgs lho, lo kudu lyt deh
foxthecreator: hmm, gitu
dzenee03: yg maen johnny depp
foxthecreator: wah keren
dzenee03: hmpr sama kyk yg dbwt sir arthur conan doyle
foxthecreator: klo bisa tulisan gw dicopy n disave ya, soalnya gw ga ada niat ngelanjutinnya–novel gw yg sekarang yg paling bagus soalnya
foxthecreator: mungkin bisa buat referensi lo
foxthecreator: eh? doyle yang ngarang jack the ripper?
foxthecreator: bukannya itu urban legend di daerah hitam london ya?
dzenee03: film itu bener2 ngungkapin misteri dibalik kekuasaan ratu victoria
dzenee03: klo ga slh gt, gw lupa sih
foxthecreator: hmm
dzenee03: jah… gw kan pake hape… ga bs ngesave deh, save di otak aja ya!
dzenee03: tx bgt deh
dzenee03: ntar klo gw ada ide lagi gw share-in k elo
dzenee03: Mslh JTR, dy bkn skdr urban legend, he is true… dy memang ada
dzenee03: i believe that…
foxthecreator: oke2 gue save di blog gue aja
foxthecreator: hmm hmm
foxthecreator: ga taw deh
foxthecreator: legend kan bisa ada bisa boong
foxthecreator: buka ya, geniusk8boy.wordpress.org
foxthecreator: lo bisa liat juga sekilas novel gue di sana
dzenee03: iya sih…
dzenee03: ok2, ide gw jg jgn dilupain ya elmo
dzenee03: syp tw suatu saat bs jd hal kecil yg berguna, he3x…
dzenee03: tp lo udah coba terbitin?
foxthecreator: hmm, apa dulu?
foxthecreator: novel gye?
foxthecreator: gw?
dzenee03: iya
foxthecreator: hmm, blon juga jadi
dzenee03: novel lo
foxthecreator: udah gitu, itu ceritanya trilogi (minimal)
foxthecreator: and dalem banget
foxthecreator: kompleks banget!
dzenee03: oh… gt… ayo slesaiin!!!
foxthecreator: itu gue tulis in English, so that I could publish it abroad
dzenee03: iya, bs2 jd tetralogi
dzenee03: ha3x…
foxthecreator: and not in Indonesia, coz gue ga taw bisa bersaing dengan teenlit n pembaca2 indo yg demennya yg dangkal2 aja
dzenee03: sip, bgs bgt! gw sih ga bs english
foxthecreator: okay, i believe that it could be a bestseller
foxthecreator: and I’ll be interviewed in New York Times…
foxthecreator: lo juga, sis
dzenee03: ya… bagus bgt, smangat elmo!!!
foxthecreator: lo bisa! kita butuh penulis2 yang bermutu
dzenee03: hah? gw ga sehebat lo
foxthecreator: hmm, klo dulu gue ngomong ama J.K. Rowling, gue juga ga sehebat dy, bikin cerita ky harry potter
dzenee03: tp penulis itu…
foxthecreator: klo dulu gue ngomong ama michael crichton, dan brown,
foxthecreator: gue juga bakal bilang gue ga sehebat mereka
dzenee03: mxd gw jadi penulis itu, ga semudah yg qt bayangin
foxthecreator: gw taw, sis, i’ve been through it all
foxthecreator: believe me
dzenee03: yeah… i believe
dzenee03: qt harus bikin tulisan yg ga mudah ditebak
foxthecreator: lo bisa juga. biar ga mudah, cuma klo lo udh bisa, lo pasti bisa. guaranteed.
dzenee03: yg mengguncang emosi para pembaca
foxthecreator: hmm, lo percaya kan klo dalamnya pikiran siapa tahu? klo pikiran lo ga bisa ditebak, kenapa tulisan lo juga?
foxthecreator: yeah, klo sempet, coba buka blog gw
foxthecreator: itu gw tulis in english semua (kecuali beberapa reference)
dzenee03: nah, itu dy… tgl pntr2ny qt menuangkan dalam suatu bahasa yg panjang tp ga bertele2
foxthecreator: sebenarnya ga harus panjang
foxthecreator: lo tuangin begitu aja
dzenee03: ok, i will…
foxthecreator: dalam perjalanan, itu bakal panjang sendiri (tergantung kebutuhan)
foxthecreator: sip2
foxthecreator: eh cari taw juga anak2 2007 yg demen nulis lagi siapa, ya?
foxthecreator: gw mesti bicara
dzenee03: tp penulis yg hebat dy bs manjangin suatu crita tanpa mbwt crita itu t.kesan bertele2
foxthecreator: sebenarnya dy ga bermaksud manjangin
foxthecreator: cuma untuk membangun kerangka pikiran pembaca, kadang2 emang mesti panjang L)
foxthecreator:
dzenee03: ok boss, ntar gw cari n gw kasiin k lo, he3x…
foxthecreator: sip2
foxthecreator: good luck sis
dzenee03: good luck juga, senang bs ngbrl ama elmo yg sbg penulis novel
foxthecreator: hahaha, lo ga nyangka kan?
dzenee03: pny nama populer?
foxthecreator: elmo lawrence
foxthecreator: di facebook gw
dzenee03: nama asli lo?
foxthecreator: hmm, pokoknya elmo aja
dzenee03: mksd gw bkn elmo lawrence kan? he3x…
foxthecreator: ya bukan lah
foxthecreator: klo iya, nama populer gue bukan elmo lawrence, tapi elmo hasselhoff
dzenee03: gw bhkn udah bikin nama pop
foxthecreator: apaan?
dzenee03 has signed out. (12/06/2008 19:30)

Okay, that’s all folks. For Mita, you must read this sometimes.

Define Mystery

Sometimes, I think I’m good in writing mystery novels as well as thriller ones. This one is an idea just popped out of my mind after a one-and-a-half hour chatting session with a friend. Shame it’s totally in Bahasa. I’ll work out the English version as soon as meets the demand.

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foxthecreator: hmm
foxthecreator: actually, gue juga punya ide cerita misteri gitu
dzenee03: truz di halaman depan jgn lupa cantumin nama gw… wkwkwk
foxthecreator: yah, ga bisa gitu
dzenee03: ide lo gmn mo?
foxthecreator: ntar klo lo diwawancarain trus ditanyain gimana?
foxthecreator: hmm, gini
foxthecreator: gue terinspirasi dari lagunya groove coverage “moonlight shadow”
dzenee03: iya?
foxthecreator: a murder in the moonlight
foxthecreator: ada seorang penulis novel yang menulis tentang cerita misteri
dzenee03: truz?
foxthecreator: ceritanya itu tentang seorang detektif yang terkenal Hercule Poirot
foxthecreator: doi plagiat agatha christie
foxthecreator: nah Poirot dalam ceritanya ini hidup di jaman modern, masalahnya
foxthecreator: dan ceritanya terjadi di pulau St. Olga, di Eropa Utara
dzenee03: iya?
foxthecreator: Suatu saat dy ngebunuh Poirot dalam ceritanya
foxthecreator: dan selama 3 tahun vakum dari dunia penulisan novel misteri
foxthecreator: Lalu, dy ngumumin pengen bikin lagi novel itu, jadi dy pengen ngidupin lagi Poirot-nya (kaya Doyle ngidupin lagi Holmes)
foxthecreator: tapi ga pernah kesampean, karena dy ilang
foxthecreator: nah seorang jurnalis muda, Emily Bryce, datang ke kediaman si penulis, yang juga di St. Olga, Eropa Utara
foxthecreator: dan ngeliat keluarganya sendiri semuanya bermasalah
foxthecreator: tapi semuanya masing2 punya motif yang kuat untuk mempertahankan keberadaan si penulis
foxthecreator: dan begitu si penulis hilang, mereka semua kacau balau
dzenee03: wah, lo dah keren bgt elmo
foxthecreator: selama itu, Emily Bryce pengen nyari skripsi yang dy kasih ke si penulis waktu dy masih kuliah dulu (hahaha)
foxthecreator: Skripsi itu isinya tentang hipotesis dan observasi perilaku sosial manusia
dzenee03: wow… truz2?
foxthecreator: and si penulis banyak dapet inspirasi dari skripsi itu, tentang modus dan motif pembunuhan
foxthecreator: dan dituangkan ke dalam novel
foxthecreator: Emily ga peduli dengan royalti, dy cuma butuh skripsinya lagi
foxthecreator: cuma karena si penulis ilang, skripsinya juga ilang
foxthecreator: So, Emily mutusin bwt nginep di sana
foxthecreator: Di hari ketiga, Emily kaya ngedenger lagu Moonlight Sonata-nya Beethoven diputerin di bulan purnama
foxthecreator: tapi dy ga tau lagu itu dari mana
dzenee03: jadi disini emily slæn jadi penulis
foxthecreator: ya?
foxthecreator: dy jurnalis
dzenee03: eh, gw bisa mænin lagu itu lho!
foxthecreator: oh, gitu!
foxthecreator: keren!
foxthecreator: hahaha
foxthecreator: suwer lo? susah lo
dzenee03: jg jadi detektifny? ato bkn?
foxthecreator: iya, emily jadi detektifnya
dzenee03: yah… dulu bs sampe abiz, sampe2 partiturny gw bw k bdg
foxthecreator: hahaha, gokil
foxthecreator: nah, gini
dzenee03: iya?
dzenee03: lanjut…
foxthecreator: jadi Emily keluar dari kamar, dari rumah, dan menuju ke pantai (kan di pulau)…
foxthecreator: merasakan hembusan angin… di bawah terangnya bulan purnama
foxthecreator: dan di bawah batu karang, diterangi bulan purnama, ada sesosok mayat
foxthecreator: mayat si penulis, sudah meninggal selama dua minggu sejak hari terakhir dia terlihat
foxthecreator: di tubuhnya ditemukan hape yang udah rusak (iya lah!), dompet berisi kartu kredit dan segala macem,
dzenee03: iya… i.m still with u
foxthecreator: tapi Emily ga bisa menemukan apapun yang bisa digunakan untuk mencari skripsi-nya
foxthecreator: .
dzenee03: truz?
foxthecreator: Nah, alih-alih nemuin skripsi, dy justru nemuin pembunuhan…
dzenee03: krn dbw mati si penulis td? ato dicuri pembunuhny?
foxthecreator: Tapi polisi ga pernah bisa menemukan pembunuhnya. Emily curiga pembunuhnya mengejar skripsi yang dia miliki
foxthecreator: dan mencurigai Patrick Schwatzenberger, teman kuliahnya sesama pecinta Agatha Christie.
dzenee03: oh gitu, gw mulai bs menangkap mksd cerita lo, he3x…
foxthecreator: Lalu, dy mengejar kediaman Patrick, tapi ga ada orang.
foxthecreator: Rumah Patrick kosong, dan tetangganya mengatakan bahwa Patrick sedang bepergian ke Amerika sejak tiga minggu yang lalu.
foxthecreator: Hanya saja, begitu Emily berusaha menggeledah rumah Patrick untuk mencari skripsi (diam-diam, karena ini trespassing)
dzenee03: wah, dy kmgknn bsr jd pmbnhny y?
foxthecreator: dia menemukan mayat Patrick Schwatzenberger, bentuknya udah ga keruan udah mati 3 minggu di kamar mandi. Bak mandinya udah kaya sop berwarna hitam kecoklatan.
foxthecreator: (Suer, ini yang terjadi klo mayat ditaro di bak mandi terisi penuh n dibiarin 3 minggu)
foxthecreator: And, sambil muntah-muntah, Emily terpaksa ngelapor ke polisi tentang pembunuhan ini–meskipun dy juga terancam diinterogasi karena trespassing.
dzenee03: wah, kcurigaan emily salah total ya?
foxthecreator: Patrick diperkirakan mati karena kesetrum. Polisi menutup kasus ini sebagai kecelakaan.
foxthecreator: Tapi Emily tidak berhenti begitu saja. Ia takut pembunuhnya akan mengincar dia.
foxthecreator: Lagipula, melihat kondisi mayat-mayat yang ditemukan itu…
dzenee03: kykny pembunuh si penulis n patrick org yg sama ya?
foxthecreator: okay, aftermath
dzenee03: ya?
foxthecreator: Ternyata si penulis sudah memusnahkan skripsi Emily, karena dianggap berbahaya
foxthecreator: meskipun akurat.
foxthecreator: Lalu, Patrick tidak terima si penulis melakukan ini. Ia lalu pergi ke tempat si penulis dan mengancamnya.
dzenee03: oh… gitu
foxthecreator: Lalu si penulis membunuh Patrick, dengan membuatnya seolah-olah kesetrum.
foxthecreator: Lalu, si penulis kembali ke tempatnya, tapi kemudian dibunuh.
foxthecreator: Mayatnya entah bagaimana terseret ombak hingga ke pantai di dekat rumahnya sendiri. Ironis.
dzenee03: lho? tp si penulis kan yg td mati, truz ditemuin emily kan?
dzenee03: oh iya, gt…
foxthecreator: hmm, si penulis mati 2 minggu
foxthecreator: patrick mati 3 minggu
foxthecreator: patrick mati duluan.
dzenee03: iya, i c
foxthecreator: Dan, Emily entah kenapa teringat, bahwa skripsinya kebanyakan menjelaskan tentang psikologi kepribadian ganda…
foxthecreator: yang objek penelitiannya merupakan dirinya sendiri.
dzenee03: oh iya, innocent killer
foxthecreator: Kepribadian kedua Emily yang membunuh si penulis. Emily adalah pelakunya.
dzenee03: Wow? amazing…
foxthecreator: Ia mengakuinya ke polisi, tapi hakim memutuskannya tidak bersalah dan membebaskannya.
dzenee03: hah? jd pd saat dy jd kepribadian ke-2,
foxthecreator: Ia kemudian menjalani tiga tahun perawatan di mental asylum.
dzenee03: dy ga inget apa aja yg dy lakuin wkt kepribadian ke-1?
foxthecreator: Sekarang, ia menulis ulang skripsinya dan menerbitkannya, sebagai peringatan bagi semua orang.
foxthecreator: iya, gitu kira2.
dzenee03: ide yg dahsyat…
foxthecreator: Pernah nonton film The History of Violence?
dzenee03: blm elmo
foxthecreator: Kira2 kaya gitu, meskipun sebenarnya lain banget
dzenee03: oh… iya
foxthecreator: Lalu, Emily menulis novel-novel misteri juga, and lived happily ever after.
dzenee03: eniwei tau film ‘from hell’?
foxthecreator: Jadi semua setimpal. Si penulis mencuri skripsi dan membunuh Patrick,
dzenee03: critany ttg jack d ripper
foxthecreator: Patrick mendapat hukuman karena kekerasan yang dilakukannya,
foxthecreator: oh gitu?
foxthecreator: hmm
foxthecreator: blon sih…
dzenee03: iya… smwny setimpal…

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That’s it. Hopefully it could be published later… but for now, I’ll focus on the Lighthouse of Mankind.

Nightmare

What is a nightmare? A nightmare is a horrible and unpleasant dream. Usually nightmare occur on those who are psychically unwell, as a reflection of the flaws in their sanity, but sometimes it serves as an ill omen. I don’t know the scientific reasoning beyond this, and that’s as far as we go.

Nightmare is often personified as a dark horse (or mare, according to the word night that represents darkness and mare). But the word “nightmare” itself comes from the Old English root night and meaere, which means “incubus”.

The word “incubus” itself means a kind of male devil which tempts or have sex with women in their sleeps. However, in very archaic terms, incubus also literally means nightmare. This word has its root in Latin in and cubare, which means to lie (upon). This is also the root of a present word incubate.

“Succubus”, the female counterpart of incubus, also comes from the same cubare. The Latin root of succubus is also the root of a present word (to) succumb.

I love playing with words. I really do.

Damn! It’s June!

Life goes on and on and on and if you stay the same, it’ll leave you and you’re nobody.

I’ve looked at my last post. It was dated April 26. I’m not proud of it.

I could’ve posted a post or two on May, but I didn’t. In fact, I didn’t have time to even think about things like this. I might have logged my activity elsewhere, but that’s not easily accessible and I’m still looking for the logs somehow.

And here comes June. Oh, it’s June 8 already. Things happened between April 26 and June 8; shit also happened. I did many things of which I’m not proud of. Like, this semester’s a failure. And my time management’s a failure. And my integrity. And how I interact with people. Everything in my life that happened between April 26 and June 8 was a failure.

I don’t know what to do or how. I got many things to do which I didn’t have to and didn’t want to but still had to do and I still did it. It had ended, whatsoever, but the impact remains deep in me. These whole damn thing is killing me. I’m broken.

I could’ve saved myself, if only I had the balls to say it out loud whenever people were nagging me to do tis or tat. If only I told them that I got other things to do, and that I CAN’T focus on many things at a time. That’s natural. Men were hard to focus on too many shit at one time, and so were I. It’s just a miracle that I didn’t blew it all–in fact, I blew everything that was actually vital to me. A quote from an acquaintance reminded me, that I was being hypocrite. I just didn’t want to give bad impressions to people. Goddamn it, if it happened to be this way, I shouldn’t have had to be so courteous to people. Even if they prostrate upon me and worship me and kiss my stinking toenails, I would rather not to.

Another mistake made, another lesson learned. I have to set priorities. I have to learn the correct moments to say ‘yes’ or ‘NO’. I have to learn how to manipulate people, not being manipulated by people. Everything always happen for a reason, and here, I can take it.

Yet still, these series of failures deeply punctured my spirit. This whole fucking thing tires me. Good thing it has ended already. Here comes the summer, and at least I can relax. I don’t want shit to ruin my summer. Never again.

I can focus on my aspiration now. Thanks God for giving me the strength to get through it all.

Until next time.